


An Exploration of Ice Cream Innuendos

by smlime16



Category: Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream
Genre: BDSM, Ice Cream, Infidelity, Light BDSM, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, References to Drugs, Threesome - F/M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2010-04-28
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2020-02-08 17:28:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18627895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smlime16/pseuds/smlime16
Summary: A Ben and Jerry joke fic that I wrote back in high school.  If you like ice cream, cheesy puns, or wonderfully terrible writing, this may be the fic for you!





	1. Chapter 1: Half Baked

Ben was driving home one night after getting completely stoned. He was depressed because he felt his life was leading him to be a failure, and he couldn’t do anything but wallow in it. As he neared his house in Vermont, he saw a hitchhiker. Normally Ben would ignore a hitchhiker, but this guy looked like he had a kind face, so he pulled over.

 

Ben rolled the window of his car down and asked, “Do you need a ride somewhere?”

 

The stranger replied, “Yes, do you know of any hotels…preferably a cheap one?”

 

“Sorry, there are no hotels around, but you can stay with me if you want.”

 

“Thanks, I really appreciate it.”

 

Ben was acting foolishly because of his drunken state. After all, what sober person invites a hitchhiker into their home, let alone their car? But he was lonely; he had nobody else at his three-bedroom house. Maybe it would be nice for him to finally have some company.

 

As they arrived at the house, Ben noticed that the stranger was asleep.

 

“We’re here,” he said loudly, hoping the man was a light sleeper.

 

“Oh, that’s good. I’m tired. Where can I sleep?” the stranger yawned waking up.

 

“You can sleep in the guest room; it’s on the left when you walk in.”

 

“Thanks, goodnight sir.”

 

It was in that moment that Ben realized that he didn’t even know this stranger’s name. But as baked as he was, he didn’t care. He went inside, and fell asleep quickly after finding his bed. For the first night in a long time, he slept a dreamless night, void of the nightmares that usually followed an evening like this.


	2. Chapter 2: Schewdy Balls

Ben woke up the next morning with a terrible feeling in the pit of his stomach.  He could scarcely remember anything from the night before.  To prepare for facing the world, he took a shower and had a large cup of coffee.  He was finally feeling awake when the stranger from last night walked into the kitchen and memories flooded back into Ben’s mind.

“Oh my god, who are you…” he said more to himself than to the stranger.

“Jerry.  I’m Jerry and I wanted to thank you for letting me stay here.”

Ben, for the first time, took a good look at this man.  Jerry was a strong, tall, and muscular man.  He was unshaven and messy, but somehow this added to his sexy image.

“It’s no problem,” Ben said slowly, “what were you doing in the street last night?”

“My girlfriend kicked me out.  She didn’t leave me with much either, not even my wallet or cellphone” he replied with conviction.  Ben had no reason not to believe this.

“Things must have ended pretty badly if you had to leave that quickly.”

“Yeah, she was always a temperamental bitch; I should have left a long time ago.”

“Seems like you have no choice now.  You can stay here with me if you’d like.”

“I appreciate it, thanks.”

Ben was irrational.  He had no idea of what was in store, but he liked something about this guy.  Even though he hardly knew him, he felt they already had a strong connection.

 

When Ben got home from work, Jerry was in the kitchen, wearing nothing but a pair of his pants.  They were a bit too small on him though, as Jerry was a much more muscular man than Ben.  He was by the stove, creating an amazing aroma that aroused Ben.  When Ben entered the kitchen, Jerry had a grin on his face.

“Welcome home honey, dinner will be ready in just a moment.”  Jerry joked.

“You didn’t have to cook me anything, you’re a guest.”

“I see myself as more of a tenant, and cooking is how I can pay my rent.  I hope you don’t mind that I borrowed some of your clothes.”

“Oh it’s fine, I have loads of jeans.”

“Well I didn’t just borrow your jeans if you know what I mean.”

Ben understood what he meant.  He looked at Jerry again, through new eyes.  This man was making him crazy with his abs showing.  He couldn’t take it anymore; all the sexual tension that was built up had to be released.

Ben pounced onto Jerry and they landed on the floor with a loud BANG.  Jerry was too stunned to react to Ben tearing his pants off and removing his boxers with his teeth.  But once Ben was about to go further, Jerry sprang up and picked up a spatula.

“What the fuck was that!” he screamed angrily.

Ben was wild at this point and couldn’t think straight.

“You know you want this as much as I do” he replied with a creepy grin.

“No, I’m straight,” Jerry stated, although it came out more like a question.

“Not tonight you aren’t!”

Jerry relaxed his body against the tile floor and gave a slight nod as he gazed imploringly into Ben’s eyes.

And with that Ben “attacked” Jerry again.


	3. Chapter 3: Chocolate Therapy

Jerry could not get over the shock of what Ben had done to him earlier that night.  He lay in bed next to him wondering what would come in the morning.  Ben could not realize what he had done to Jerry.  Jerry was not the wild loner that he appeared to be at first sight.

Jerry had had a life with the beautiful mother of his three children.  They shared a house in the suburbs with a pool in the backyard.  He worked the typical 9-5 job Monday through Friday and spent the weekends doing house projects or going on family outings. 

But recently, something had felt wrong.  There was a crack in his relationship with his wonderful wife.  So the two of them decided to send the kids to spend a week at his parent’s house and go on a journey together.

The journey did not go as planned though.  About three days in, Jerry was heading back to the hotel they were staying at when he saw his wife with another man.  He had always trusted her, so he convinced himself it was nothing.  He chose to ignore the way she smiled and how close they were standing to each other.

But the next day when he decided to go swimming, he saw them together again near the pool.  This time there was no denying the obvious connection the two had.  A connection that he remembered from high school.  A connection that they had not shared in years.  And in the moment that he realized this, he decided he had to get away.  And so he ran.

He left his wife a note that read “ _I will miss you.  I will miss us.  But we know that it is over.  I will contact you and the kids after I have had some time to think.  I will always love you –Jerry”_

It was a week later that he met Ben.  When he had offered him a place to stay, he felt that something had finally gone his way.  It had been a hard week and he had no money or hope left.  In a few moments of weakness, he had caved into drinking his sorrows, leaving him penniless.  To have a place to stay, maybe a couch to sleep on would be amazing.

But what Ben gave him was much more than he could have anticipated.  Jerry had always questioned his identity as a straight man.  However, he had never seriously considered that he might be gay.  But after what happened in the kitchen, he was beginning to question not only his sexuality, but his whole life.

Was it just because of the amount of emotional trauma he had been going through?  Or was it something more.  At first he was taken aback by Ben’s sudden advance, but now, as he lay here next to his warm body, he was almost nostalgic for what had occurred only hours ago.  He felt somehow healed.


	4. Chapter 4: Brewed to Matter

Ben poured some fresh coffee and sat down with the morning paper. He would remember nothing of the news that day though, as his mind was far away. He could not come to terms with what he had done last night. He had taken advantage of a man who just needed somewhere to sleep. How could he be so evil?

 

As he put down the newspaper in defeat, he saw Jerry standing by the door with a small smile on his face. Ben could not believe that Jerry was still here, why hadn’t he run off the second he woke up? Sure they had a tiring night, however he must be recovered enough to come to his senses and realize how fucked up the previous night had been.

 

“Can I have a some coffee?” Jerry asked timidly.

 

“Um…yeah, help yourself…” Ben replied, his voice trailing off at the end. “So last night. We should probably talk about it. I mean I should talk. I should apologize for what I did because it was wrong and disgusting and-”

 

“Disgusting?” Jerry said in a hurt voice.

 

“No of course not! I just meant that I shouldn’t have taken advantage of you like that. I’m sorry.”

 

“Don’t be. I know I was a little shocked at first, but that was some of the best sex I’ve had in years. I didn’t even remember it could be like that.”

 

Ben was, if possible, even more confused. He stared down at his coffee realizing that Jerry seemed to be okay with last night’s events. If he truly was, maybe they could do it again.

 

When Ben looked up, he noticed Jerry was sitting directly across from him. They gazed into each other’s eyes and sat in silence for what felt like an eternity. They could both sense the passion, the sexual tension, and the heat that was filling up the room. Things were steaming up.

 

Ben had to go to work though, and so he stood up and declared as much as he went to grab his car keys. Jerry stood up as well and went into the bedroom. There he started to pick up the clothes that had been scattered around the room. As he was removing Ben’s boxers, he recalled exactly why Ben wore them.


	5. Chapter 5: Cinnamon Buns

When Ben returned home with the flowers he had brought for Jerry, Jerry was nowhere to be found. Concerned, Ben planned to call him until he remembered Jerry had no cell phone. Instead he took his car and began driving around the neighborhood. He could not understand for the life of him why he was so invested in this man he hadn’t yet known for 48 hours. Maybe it had something to do with the spectacularly intimate night they shared. All Ben knew was that he _needed_ to find Jerry. The thought of losing him after having so little time together was painful beyond belief.

 

Ben began to think about the horrors of the last time someone had left without saying goodbye. It had been almost six months since his partner had broken up with him, but it hurt like a new wound each and every day.

 

As Ben was so involved in his thoughts, he almost missed a man walking on the sidewalk. He pulled over and stuck his head out the window. Cautiously he called out, “Jerry?”

 

As the man turned his head, Ben could see that it was, in fact, Jerry. Jerry appeared to be surprised. Ben got out of the car even though it was pouring outside. He walked straight up to Jerry, not caring about personal space. That seemed to be a habit of his lately.

 

“Where were you going?” Ben questioned.

 

“I don’t know” Jerry answered.

 

“Come home with me, you can still stay. I won’t violate you again, I promise.”

 

“It wasn’t that, _I_ promise. I’m just scared.”

  
“Scared of me?”

 

“Yes…no…. scared of wanting you. It’s just that…I’m married. I need to go home. I don’t understand any of this.”

 

Ben looked shocked. “What do you mean married? How could you be married? What are you doing wandering the streets? Are you homeless? Are you okay?”

 

“I can’t talk about it right now. I will explain I just can’t tonight. Tonight I just need...”

 

“What do you need?”

 

Suddenly the bulge in Jerry’s pants caught Ben’s attention. He motioned to the car. Jerry followed. When Ben opened the door to the backseat, Jerry started to get in. Ben however, was suddenly overcome with his need to fuck Jerry and so he pushed him face first into the seats.

 

Ben tore of his jeans in the middle of the street and then jumped into the car. He then pulled Jerry’s pants down and pulled apart his plump ass cheeks to prep him as quickly as he could, using spit for lube. Far to soon, he started to penetrate Jerry at an alarmingly quick pace. He proceeded to make Jerry shout things he never shouted before. Ben himself had some choice words to scream as he came with an agonizing cry.


	6. Chapter 6: Triple Caramel Chunk

Weeks passed without a question being raised. Ben and Jerry lived together as though they were a married couple. They predicted each other’s next actions and could tell when something was bothering the other. That is until Ben broke down crying one night after dinner.

 

“What’s wrong Ben?” Jerry asked.

 

“I don’t like what we’re doing” Ben whimpered.

 

“What do you mean? Did I do something to upset you?”

 

“Yes! You left your wife and you haven’t even told me why. Why are you here Jerry?”

 

Jerry suddenly became stiff. He knew that eventually the subject was bound to come up, however, he wasn’t ready to answer the question. In fact, he didn’t think he _could_ answer the question. But, he knew that he had to try.

 

“Ben, my wife and I have grown apart. I saw her with another man and I just knew. I knew that they had more of a connection than she and I would ever share again. I love my wife, I do. I just can’t imagine forever with her. I don’t want to anymore.” Jerry said all of this slowly with calculated articulation. It was as though he was sharing a thought that had been plaguing him for ages.

 

“Jerry, I don’t know what we’re doing. You are a married man, living in my house and I just don’t think I can handle that. I’m not capable of such weight. I can’t be the other man,” Ben replied with tears starting to roll down his face again.

 

“Maybe I should talk to her. Maybe I need to go back home and face the end. Maybe it’s time...”

 

Not more than fifteen minutes later, Jerry was driving Ben’s car back to his neighborhood. It was only a half hour drive, but it felt as though it only lasted five minutes. He stepped out of the Volvo and admired his house. The blue shutters on the windows. The lawn had just been cut; Jerry began wondering who had taken on his chore when he noticed the front door start to open. Fighting the impulse to run, he walked towards the woman glaring at him with pain in her eyes.

 

“What are you doing here?” she asked sharply.

 

“I…Ben said I should…I need to finish this” Jerry mumbled.

 

“Finish? You don’t think that we are finished? You left an entire month ago. The children didn’t know if you were alive or dead. _I_ didn’t even know! You vanished without leaving a trace. And now, now you come back to the house an expect what? A civil conversation! And _who_ is Ben?” Jerry’s wife was livid. It was evident that this was not going to end on good terms.

 

Jerry saw his daughter coming down the stairs. He wanted so much to say something but the second his wife saw him look into the house, she slammed the door behind her.

 

“You will _not_ come inside. The children have only just gotten used to life without you and I will not have you fucking that up like you fucked up everything else!”

 

Jerry slowly began to retreat towards the car when his wife stopped him with her hand.

 

“Wait,” she whispered.

 

“Yes?” Jerry replied on edge.

 

“We do need to talk. Maybe we can go for a drive?” she said reluctantly.

 

“Sure.”

 

As the two drove around the neighborhood they began to understand each other in ways that they hadn’t before. What was most important though, was that they came to terms that they were no longer in love. Yes, they loved each other, but there is a not-so-fine line between loving someone, and being in love with them. It just takes a lot of reflection to understand which side you were on. Jerry and his wife had never had time to do this until Jerry had fled. Driving across a bridge, Jerry realized that they were dangerously near Ben’s house. He said as much when his wife said something that surprised him.

 

“I’d like to meet this man. He’s been kind to you. And you seem to really care about him.”

 

“Are you sure? I mean I assume he’s home, I do have his car,” he said stupidly.

 

“Let’s go.”

 

Jerry pulled up to the house to see that it was illuminated with lights. The time registered and Jerry realized they had been driving around for hours. What if Ben was worried? The second Jerry turned the engine off; he looked up to see Ben in the driveway. He appeared to be calm, that is until he saw who was in the car with Jerry.

 

“Hi Mrs…I mean Ms…I mean Jerry has told me all about you!” Ben stammered.

 

“Really? Jerry told me a lot about you on the way here actually, it’s nice to meet you.” She reached her hand out and Ben awkwardly fist-pumped it.

  
“Perhaps we should go inside,” Jerry offered, clearly torn between laughing at the awkward nature of the situation and drowning in it.

 

The uncomfortable group walked into the house and headed straight for the kitchen. Once there, Ben decided to offer a snack. They agreed on ice cream so Ben got three bowls out and filled them with some delicious ice cream.

 

“This is delicious! What brand is it?” Jerry’s wife asked.

 

Jerry replied, “Ben’s actually! Ben owns an ice cream company.”

 

“Really? That is fascinating. It must do well considering the house you live in!” she laughed.

 

Ben then locked eyes with her and felt a boner starting to erect. Jerry noticed this tension and stared at Ben as if to say ‘what the literal fuck?’ But then he noticed his wife twirling her hair. Jerry knew what that meant.

 

Ben stood up and collected the bowls but Jerry’s wife stopped his hand and asked him to leave it. Jerry stared at her this time as if to say ‘you’re fucking kidding me, right?’ When she stood up and walked directly towards Ben.

 

Ben brushed his finger through her hair and breathed, “are you sure?”

 

Responding with nothing more articulate than a moan, she put her finger in the ice cream bowl and provocatively licked her finger clean.

 

Jerry was becoming aroused at the sight. He could not take it anymore. He had to get some action. He moved to kneel in front of Ben and started to nose at his cock. Ben grabbed his hair without looking down and pushed Jerry’s face into his crotch.

 

Jerry’s wife then took off her top and Ben smeared ice cream on her nipples only to remove it with his swirling tongue. Jerry had removed Ben’s pants and begun sucking his cock, moaning like he was getting paid for it. Ben couldn’t take it anymore. He pushed Jerry off him and told him to lay across the table, pants down. Jerry’s wife slowly stepped out of her clothes and helped Jerry rid himself of the fabrics that felt as though they were strangling him.

 

Once they were all exposed, Ben took the ice cream and dipped his fingers in the melted creamy mixture. He began to finger both Jerry and his wife simultaneously. It was obvious that Ben was very experienced in threesomes. Jerry began pushing back on Ben’s hand as if to ask for more when Ben pulled out.

 

“If you can’t appreciate what I give you, you’re not getting anything,” he declared with gusto in his voice. He caved though after hearing Jerry’s quiet whimper. As he continued to prep Jerry and his wife, he became aware of his increasingly hardening penis. Deciding that Jerry’s wife was less greedy during the prep, he pulled his fingers out both of them, and proceeded to fuck her. Slow and deep, she began to yell out. Jerry was fucking himself with his own fingers staring with lust at the sight of his wife being fucked by Ben.

 

Ben quickened the pace noticing Jerry by the table so that his wife came, collapsing to the floor in complete and utter bliss. Ben moved over to Jerry who simply stared at Ben’s enormous cock. It was magnificent.

 

Jerry crawled on all fours to kneel in front of Ben where he instantly began to deep throat him. Like a professional sword swallower, he seemed to have no gag-reflex. Ben was both impressed and curious as to where Jerry had learned his incredible fellatio skills. He pulled Jerry even closer until he finally pulled out and came all over Jerry’s face. Jerry was not grossed out in the slightest. In fact, when Ben wiped Jerry’s face and held out his hand, Jerry lapped up the cum eagerly.

 

After watching this ordeal, Jerry’s wife noticed that Jerry had not been taken care of. Some energy restored she crawled over and gave Jerry a rim job, not even minding the slightly bitter taste, and noticing a slight hint of vanilla. Jerry was so on edge that the second Ben’s hand began to stroke his cock, which had been in dire need of attention, he came, toes curling and back arching. It had the most mind-blowing orgasm of his life.


	7. Chapter 7: The Tonight Dough

Weeks had passed and everything had been going well. Jerry’s wife was still harboring some resentment over how Jerry had left her, but he knew in time things would cool down. Jerry had been slowly moving his items from the guest room to Ben’s room. At this point though, it might have well have been ‘their’ room. The only thing was that they hadn’t had sex since that interesting night. Sure they had cuddled and kissed, but they both seemed to feel awkward about that evening. It was Jerry’s idea to try something new.

“Tonight?” Jerry asked nervously.

“Tonight,” Ben responded for the hundredth time.

After much discussion, Ben and Jerry had decided to spice things up a bit. Maybe if they changed their ways they would be able to get back on track with their sex life. Both certainly appreciated Ben’s brief show of dominance during the threesome they had shared with Jerry’s wife. Yes, tonight they were going to try a new flavor of sex and leave the vanilla one behind.

After Ben came home from work, Jerry was sitting on the couch, pretending to be interested in the nature channel. Sure, he had a thing for wild animals, but that did not extend to wildlife. Ben entered the living room and cautiously sat down.

He started by laying out some groundwork. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, then we need to set up a few guidelines. Now I have tried this once before, and we need a safe word.”

“What’s that?”

“It’s a word that either of us can say if the scene gets too heavy. Then whatever is happening stops and we talk about what happened.”

“Um…how about pistachio?”

“You know I hate pistachio! But I guess that would snap me out of whatever it is we’re doing,” Ben replied thoughtfully. He was a bit concerned that neither of them had much experience with this sort of thing, but perhaps that made it better. This way they could learn together.

“And we should set rules and limits,” Jerry said in a timid voice.

“Of course we should, baby.”


End file.
